Falling Down

5th Feb 2011, it was a bright sunny day in Gurgaon and we were at TERI Oval cricket ground on Faridabad road. It was the road to the play Equities in the finals of the 1st RBS GBM Cup. It all began with FICC defeating LOFT in the first match of the day followed by we (CST) defeating LOFT. With back to back defeats LOFT went out of the picture and it all came to CST vs FICC, kind of a semifinal, whoever wins reaches finals.

We lost the toss and were invited to bat first. Each and every team member had a sour body as it was our second match back to back but we had to live with it. We started bad, scoring 10 in first 4 overs, and to be honest, it was a batting failure all together as we just managed 116 in allocated 16 overs. FICC started chasing well, it was always in there reach but they also kept losing wickets in between. We never allowed it to let go. It went down to a belter with FICC need to score 5 runs in last over with 3 wickets in hand.

The biggest question of the day came up to me, but this is what captaincy is all about. Tough decisions at tough times. As they say, there is nothing right and wrong in cricket. If it works for you, it's right else wrong. Venky, the fastest in our team and our strike bowler had one over left, I too had one left. Out of the whirlpool of thoughts in my mind consisting of so many ifs and buts I decided to bowl it myself. If you throw the same situation 10 times again, 8 times I would opt for the same what I decided at that time.

Anyways, the first one I bowled a length ball just outside off stump and it was played down to Varinder at covers. A dot ball. The second was slightly on the upper side and it cost us a single. It went too long-off where Jatinder was well placed. 4 in 4 was the equation. A faster one angling towards leg was my third one and he was not able to pull,

it went to Punjit in the short mid-wicket.

A confusion between batsmen cost them a wicket. Punjit quickly passed it to me and I displaced the stumps in a flash. 4 in 3 balls and 2 wickets. The next one was again a straighter one but pitched a bit on the shorter side and he could just manage a single. 3 in 2 and tension started building up in everyone's' face. No one was sure about anything. It could have landed anywhere. As I was getting ready to deliver 5th one, I looked around. Ram at deep square leg, Asheesh at long-on and Punjit standing at mid-wicket just between Ram and Asheesh. These 3 positions, I was worried about most coz tailenders generally slog at this situation and these are the field positions a slog is generally aimed towards.

As expected he slogged and missed, Jatin behind wickets missed it too but was fast enough to grab it and throw it back to me. The batsman at non-striker end had reached the center of the pitch. I quickly grabbed the ball and ran him out. We all were damn excited and could sense victory now. 3 in one ball and with the last wicket, it was on us now.

Have you ever felt the burden of a moment with you for quite some time? It happens. Even after 50 years from now and if I am alive with a time machine, this will be the moment I would like to change. A 10th down batsman hitting you for a four on the last ball of the match. He slogged but above Punjit's head and bisecting Ram and Asheesh, at cow's corner. Who places a fielder there..no one, never seen a fielder placed there :-(. It failed all cricketing logic of mine.

It all went like this and left us...STUNNED!!! SHATTERED!!! They were shouting, celebrating and we felt like slapped by destiny. Boy, now I understand how Chetan Sharma would have felt when he was hit for a 6 in the last ball in Sharjah when Pakistan needed 5. But to his relief, it was the great Javed Miandad who scored not a 10th down slogger.

I will be honest here, I couldn't sleep for the next whole week, didn't talk to anyone in the office. It felt as if I have lost something very precious. The burden of that moment will be with me until I win this tournament next year. For one whole year, I will have to live with this. Was I the reason for this disgrace? Some might agree but as I said earlier, 8 out of 10 times I wouldn't have allowed him to score a 4. Glory was in his destiny.

Waiting for next year...the 2nd GBM CUP. Preparing, working hard and I will give everything I have and hope the Goddess of luck will be on my side.

Manu.

...and he is leaving.

25 days more...and he will leave, not sure forever or not...miles and miles away down under. 17th Feb '12 and he will be on board just to fly away from all of us...

More trips together? I doubt...more fun, a big question mark..but tons of good memories for sure. Why a good time always passes like a blink of an eye and tough times stay like an Everest to climb.

I knew him from the past 3 years...met him in my mid-20s and boy doesn't it happen sometimes that spending some time with a person makes you feel like you both share something that is...is..eternal.

If someone asks me what I feel about him or what do I have for him in my heart...Huge respect, loads of love, and a heart full of good wishes. Wishing him all the success, prosperity, wealth, and health.

It was 26'th May'09 when I first met him in office. A first handshake and I noticed a lean, fit guy touching almost 6 feet. Never thought we will share a friendship like this that will touch extremes...We knew each other so well that he told my parents that I am ready to marry the girl (my wife now) before I gave my nod even to myself. Many such instances are there and every time it happened a question popped up again, Do we have anything in common?

There must be something..I am still exploring that domain of this chemistry...We both respect Che Guevara, both of us are huge Bhagat Singh fans and a firm believer of his ideology, we like pumping iron rods and dumbbells in the gym( here I want to admit, I may come a bit close to him in the parameter called 'PASSION'..but no one can touch him in knowledge part. He is far ahead.), etc..etc...loads of such similarities are there, but these things are materialistic. Deep down there are many other dimensions that define a MAN.

Courage, Dare to PUSH the limits, Ready to take this world on his own, Fighting Spirit, Self Respect, How much 'SELF' is behind what he is today are a few attributes in my book I judge a MAN against. We all agree that often things do turn nasty and how we face it, the zeal is the most important thing. The easiest thing is to give up and we can easily find 100s of reasons to be blamed. We might get sympathy for this at times from the world but believe me the shoulders giving support are 100% those ones who would have opted for the same. LOSERS.

He is certainly not one of them, I am a witness of how life has treated him in the past three years. Times were good, times were bad and I saw his legs shivering a couple of times, but that's how humans react at first. But he never allowed situations to take better of him and came out of every situation standing tall and firm. I respect him for that. A real man. Rarely you find men like these in your day-today living. I am lucky to have seen a few of them.

We have had loads of trips, loads of alcohol together and these

things bind your molecules better. Be it being to Jaisalmer on a 2000 kilometer road

trip or weekday movies, it was fun that I never had before and guess what we have signed a pact of friendship, which I inked, an idea that came out of my mind out of nowhere and more than

being proud I will be happy every time we bring those words to action :-)

No doubt he will leave a big void behind that will never be filled but yeah another side is he has given me some moments that I really loved and I will cherish them till the last pump of my heart.

Love you...will miss you.

Manu

Rocky Balboa - Quotes that will pump you up.

"Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done. Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that! "

"There's always somebody out there. Always. And when that time comes and you find something standing in front of you, something that ain't running and ain't backin up and is hittin on you and your too damn tired to breathe. You find that situation on you, that good, Cuz thats baptizim under fire! Oh you get thru that and you find the only kind of respect that matters in this world, Self respect."

"I mean you shouldn't be asking people to come down here and pay the freight on something they paid, it still ain't good enough, I mean you think that's right? I mean maybe you're doing your job but why you gotta stop me from doing mine? Cause if you're willing to go through all the battling you got to go through to get where you want to get, who's got the right to stop you? I mean maybe some of you guys got something you never finished, something you really want to do, something you never said to someone, something... and you're told no, even after you paid your dues? Who's got the right to tell you that, who? Nobody! It's your right to listen to your gut, it ain't nobody's right to say no after you earned the right to be where you want to be and do what you want to do!... You know, the older I get the more things I gotta leave behind, that's life. The only thing I'm asking you guys to leave on the table... is what's right."

"I stopped thinking the way other people think a long time ago, you gotta think like you think"

"What's so crazy about standing toe-to-toe with someone saying "I am"? "

"The last thing to age on somebody is their heart. "

"It doesn't matter how this looks to other people, it matters how it looks to you. If this is something you gotta do, then you do it. Fighters fight. "

"Punch him like it rattles his ancestors n every punch u give him it should be like he kissed an express train"

"Maybe I can't win, Maybe the only thing I can do is just take everything he's got.
But to beat me, he's gonna have to kill me, and to kill me, he's gonna have to have the heart to stand in front of me, and to do that, he's gotta be willing to die himself and I don't know if he's ready to do that."

more to come...

Friends - III

Ram Saharan

'The man', the happy human soul I always look up to.

Sometimes it feels strange, two people born in different geographies, different societies, and different backgrounds meet each other in decades..but still gel in more than some of the so called "Blood Relations".

Ram, the only person I met and I know, who have inspired me in my life. We think same..our choices are similar. I met him in 26th year of my life...and within no time he was at a place, where I started sharing things with him, which no one knew about me...and more importantly I developed something called "RESPECT" for him. We have good time, we share jokes, pranks..but then also that respect is always present somewhere in back of my head.

Be it sharing the passion for India, or our Favorite 'Sardar Bhagat Singh' or 'Michael Jackson' , we are same..from past 2 years we are touring different places together, sighting girls together :-) sharing everything...apart from underwears..lol

He convinced me to buy Swift , though I was 100% set to buy an i10. Sorry SRK. We are working out together from past 6 months now..and cry together for not gaining the muscle size we want

Loads of secrets are there which we share, and can’t be revealed. Fella, those memories and secrets will go to grave with me.

He is Daring, adventurous, can take this F*****G world on his own and stand up for himself anytime.

A man of pride and honour...never bends his head down where conscience doesn’t allows

Just what I feel a man should be like...

Let me confess a thing here...

I dont have an elder Brother..but I wish If I had..Ram was the one. I have made him sit in that place.

Thank you almighty for sending him in my life.

Have a very very very happy life Bro...My very best wishes are with you..always.

Turning Point-I suppose...

It was summers of 2001, May-June to be very precise...1st year exams were over..Cricket was at its full swing with me as a pivotial member of newly formed Paradise Cricket Club in the town...

meanwhile being a bit concerned about my career I gave a exam for a deck Cadet in Indian Navy and got selected too, but I was not interested in joining as it was not a good profile...it was a government job though but I was just getting started. So, all n all I was not interested.

The results for the exams were expected anytime...generally they(results) used to be out over the Newspapers( Amarujala and Dainik Jagran). One morning I was sleeping, it was about 6am I suppose when Ankita (my sister) rushed to the room where I was lying on bed and shouted on me..'You FAILED' and I was like....what???? Can there be more worse words than these to start a day. I woke up, went to dad who was holding the newspaper(Amar ujala) and checked the result myself and yes...my roll number was not there...My family was shocked and upset but I was surprised as I was not expecting this even in a worst case scenario...I still remember that row of roll numbers, it was like 52707,52708 and then 52718,52720 and so on. Mine was 52714.

Family was damn upset, they started blasting me ,my cricket, my friendships, roaming around the city and every possible thing they thought was the reason for this...I was still in a stage of shock. Phone started ringing..friends started enquiring about the results...in humilitaion the phone instrument was unplugged from the main line.

Dad said in anger better you go and join your Navy Job 'padhai likhai toh ab bas ki hai nahi...' and don't know why I too felt this option was the only one left for me..I had the offer letter with me and I dont remember the exact dates, but to send the response whether I was joining the job or not..only 4-5 days were left. Somehow inside me I too had decided that I will go for this one now.

It was around 8 now and I was getting ready to get a letter typed stating my confirmation about joining Navy, when Ankush came..he came to town on a vacation..as he was doing coaching for Engineering in Kanpur. I told him about the results...and took him along. Both of us went to a STD-PCO shop in Sidhbali Marg who also used to have a PC in his shop. He typed the letter for me and took a print out. After paying, we started walking towards the Courier shop in station road. As I mentioned earlier, there were just 4-5 days left so decided to send my response through a courier...No words shared while walking..moving on silently and withing 5-10 mins we almost reached. The shop was about 5 meters ahead...and then that happened.

As both of us were heading towards that shop, a bicycle came from the opposite side like a bullet and blocked our way. It was Manish Amoli..my class mate in graduation..

'Fail ho gaya na...' he said.

'Tu Bhi..na' I said. I knew as he was sitting 2 seats ahead of me in examination hall. His Roll No was 52712 I knew.

'Yes..' he said and then gave a huge laughter with a hindi SWEAR which I cant text here.

What???? we looked at him surprised.

He said, 'saaley we are pass..our number is there in Dainik Jagran(the other news paper). Amar Ujala somehow missed ours'...and I thought since I understood what a newspaper is, I am seeing Amarujala in my home...WHYYYYYYY??????

I was happy..and rushed to the nearest shop and asked If he had today's Dainink Jagran...luckily he had..checked our numbers and Bingooooo we passed.

A whole session of SWEARs in joy and fun started to each-other(as boys generally do), to Amarujala, to no-one and to everyone :-)

I swear if there was'nt that disclaimer in AmarUjala stating that they are not responsible for any misprints..I would ahve screwed them ..... :-) kidding.

Three of us rushed to my home...told them this good news..by mistake carried the Newspaper of that shopkeeper too.

This made my parents relaxed..things were under control now.

Manish Amoli left for some other place and both of us left for Amit Masiwal's place to know his results.

He actually failed in both news papers...gave him some warm words..though I was feeling happy deep inside for myself, especially after all that drama.

Why I consider this day as the turning point and Why I regard Manish as someone who turned it because, had he not arrived may be I would have missed seeing Dainink Jagran...and I should have known that I am Pass only through my marksheets which would have arrived after some 25-30 days...or had Manish arrived later in the day and I would have couriered my letter..and as per one of the clause if I sent a joining confirmation, I had to join..unless some medical criticalities...this would have seriouslly raised some serious complications in life.

I am not saying that life wouldn't have been better there...but not as good as it is today,for sure...whenever I revisit this day in memories I start believing in power called DESTINY.

Thanks MANISH AMOLI(as I believe u changed it all for me) and ANKUSH(for always being there and sharing another memorable MOMENT of my life).

Friends-I (School)

Loads of text is available on the existence of this Relationship named "Friendship". Many people have described in many beautiful ways. Beleive me my attempt is not to display my writing abilities, but just to present noble gesture to all those happy human souls who played a role in my life to make it..what it is today.
Here I would like to describe a few old school friends who really had an impact in my life. I can say my life without their entry is unimaginable. All these friends as humans are different in nature, their approach towards me and my life, their approach towards their life, their roleplay in my existence..but one this is very common in all of them..i.e. a true and big heart.

SMITA
My two blogs "Friendship day 2002" and "Another one with Mickey" shows what she is for me.How important is her presence in my life...She is invaluable...simply the BEST person of my life.

ANKUSH THAKUR
Believe me...I was dying to write about him. He is..mmmmmm..the best male friend I have. The powerhouse of my life...the only person in this world other than me whose words can motivate me. My Hero. No doubt I am a fan of him. Why???? Let me brief him a bit.
Ankush, those who know him if they hear this name will get reminded of Cricket. A champion Batsman. I mean...I have touched heights in my cricket career as one of the Best Batsman of the town, but I learnt the ABC of my cricket from him..this doesnt reduces the contribution of other people in my cricket but Ankushs' was the most. I learned my basics from him, including the main thing that look at the ball from the bowlers' hand. I played very well in my college days but trust me Ankush developed his cricket in 8th and 9th std itself, and adding to this he was a very handy pace bowler too which added another dimension to his cricket. His wrists were too strong. He could simply flick a ball for a six. I always tried to copy him.
Both of us had similar tastes..be it Allan Donald, Aravinda De'Silva or the BEST Sachin TENDULKAR...
I can't keep this topic without one of our common choice. The Bollywood Superstar..KING KHAN Shahrukh Khan. Both of us are huge fan of him. Till date his public appearences, his failures his successes do bother us as if he is one of us.
Whenever I feel a bit down and I talk to him and trust me his words pump in a huge amount of energy and a new freshness in me...
Now..like in any other good friendship..time has played his cruel role...we live apart...it has been years since we saw each other..but we talk to each other frequently and still "TIME" has not been able to draw an inch of line between us. Infact, we came much closer living apart..
hey Champ..Thanks for coming to my life and making it meaningful..joyous...interesting.
Miss You LANKUSH..NUTBOLD.

Another one with Mickey...

Place: ST Joesphs' Convent School, Kotdwara Year: 1998 We were in 10th std, I remember. The session was only a couple of months old. By this time our friendship started exploring new heights. We had realized that our frequency..somewhere matches. There was a very fine streamline common thinking process that helped both of us come closer to each other. We understood each other much better than before and it was further ascending. On an ordinary day, I was on her seat and we were discussing something and suddenly an idea cropped up in our minds. "Let's give each other something.. Let's bring something for each other"...I will bring something tomorrow for sure..she said. It left a strange kind of curiosity in my mind for two reasons to be true. First, obviously what is she going to bring? Second..somewhere was related to the first anxiety as I had never been so close to a girl. In fact, she was the first one..so close to me and the other thing. I was not used to gifts and all. In fact, never received a gift from in my life other than my family members. So all n all..it was a curious day and night to be passed..whole night this very thought kept pinging me time and again. Next day...It was a bit more special day than any other day...I don't remember exactly which Subjects' class it was..but the teacher was absent that day and it was before recess. We were exploiting the free period to the most. Some classmates were on her seat so I wanted to be with her once she is alone. To my luck, it happened and within no seconds I was there... She inserted her hand into her bag and took out something tightly wrapped in her hand. She placed it in my hand...to my surprise it was a one rupee coin. I don't know what feeling raised inside me..just can't explain it..maybe I am not able to resolve it to date. One thing I was damn sure that there is something special in this coin because she was a real thinking character. She won't do anything just like that. so. What was special in 1983 one rupee coin. I looked at her with an essence os surprise.."Turn it" she said. I turned the coin. The tail part of the coin was made completely black. "This is a representation of our friendship and this black side will keep it safe from evil eyes"..she said. I was completely clueless about her thought process. It was just a sacred FRIENDSHIP at its best..showing a pious gesture. After we departed in class 11th( she moved to Dehradun), we used to write letters to each other and keeping this coin inside. I don't know about her...but whenever I received a letter, I used to be more eager for the coin than what she had written :-) Today more than a decade has passed but still, this memory is like as it was yesterday. I don't know..where is the coin now whether I missed it or her. But it left a mark in my memories which can never be erased. Truly..one of the Moments of my Life to remember lifelong. Thank you Smita..for being there for me. Friends forever.